The Battle For The Remote
by Michelle-And-The-Beatle
Summary: In a struggle for the remote, who will win? Brains... or Iron?
1. The Battle For The Remote

Bruce was forced to watch TV with Tony. He didn't know how or why, but Tony wanted to watch television with him. And Bruce, being the kind one, agreed with reluctance. He was also _really _tired, which didn't help.

So, Bruce sat with Tony in Stark Towers' living room. Tony was flipping through the channels, trying to find something to watch. Bruce had his head leaned against the back of the couch, mouth hanging open slightly, eyes closed.

"What are you in the mood to watch, Brucie?" Tony asked the doctor. When he didn't hear an immediate reply, not even a groan, Tony turned his head to look at Bruce. He saw him falling asleep, and quietly snoring.

"Hey," Tony poked Bruce's arm. Bruce just curled up into a more comfortable position.

"Banner. Get up," Tony poked Bruce's side now. The doctor groaned and rubbed his eyes, but forgot that his glasses were on. He knocked them off his face by accident.

"What?" Bruce asked as to why Tony woke him up.

"You were sleeping."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yeah, you were. Are you drunk or something?"

"You know I don't drink, Tony."

"You're high, then. I know you do a lot of weed..."

"No, I don't. Shut up."

Bruce leaned back on the couch again, glasses off, eyes closed. Tony pouted. He wanted to watch television _with _Bruce.

"I'm getting a drink. You want something?" Tony asked. Bruce shook his head while yawning. Tony stood up and left the remote on the couch. He left the room and went to the kitchen to get himself some water.

Bruce adjusted himself on the couch and accidentally kicked the remote off of the sofa. He groaned when he heard it hit the wooden floor. Bruce sat up straight and picked up the remote. This was the first tim the actually got to see what Tony was watching. It was some documentary about the billionaire. Bruce sighed and changed the channel to the news. The news always interested him, whether it was a breaking story or just the weather.

Tony came back in holding a water bottle and grinned.

"So, that's what you do while I'm gone."

Bruce looked at the man who now sat next to him again on the couch. Tony took a sip out of his water bottle before closing the cap and resting it on the floor. He held out his hand for the remote. Bruce ignored him. Tony cleared his throat, and Bruce was forced to look at him.

"Remote, please," Tony held his hand out closer to Bruce's face.

"But I'm in charge of it now."

"Yeah, but it's my place. My property. My rules. And I said to hand it over."

"But I wanna watch this."

"It's the fucking news, Banner. How interesting can this be?"

"More interesting than a documentary about yourself."

"Oh look, there I am again," Tony pointed at the television screen. Sure enough, there was a story about him making a big deal that could benefit the economy. Bruce changed the channel.

"Hey!" Tony exclaimed. Bruce now had a smug grin on his face, thinking he was in command now. He was proven wrong when Tony lunged himself at him. Bruce held the remote off the side of the couch, well out of Tony's reach.

"Give it to me, Banner."

"No."

"Hand it over," Tony tried grabbing for it. But Bruce held it even further away from him.

"Make one more move and I'll turn off the TV."

"I can always put it back on, genius."

"Yeah? How? When _I_ have the remote. And I recall you not knowing how to change the channel manually, so it would really suck for you."

"Fuck you, Banner," Tony said. He leaned back from Bruce, giving the doctor a false sense of security. Bruce also brought the remote closer to himself and Tony. Tony waited until he attacked again. When he did, he was too fast for Bruce. Tony snatched the remote from the doctor's hand and held it near him.

"Hey!" Bruce yelled at Tony and reached for the remote again.

"Buzz off!" Tony said back. Their bantering eventually landed both of them off the couch, in a struggle for the possession of the remote control. The billionaire still held it in his hands, as securely as he could.

"Give it to me, Tony!" Bruce said while taking another lunge for the remote. Tony yelped and pulled it away before it could be in Bruce's grasp.

"Hell no! You get off!" Tony tried crawling away with the remote, but Bruce caught him by the ankle. Tony tried kicking at him, and successfully managed to get Bruce off, but lost one of his socks in the process.

Bruce wondered why it was even worth it. To fight with Tony, _just _to get the remote control. He figured that he had nothing better to do, and this would keep him awake.

Bruce caught the billionaire trying to make a run for it. Tony got tripped by Bruce and landed on his stomach. Tony groaned in pain. Bruce sat on him while he was down. Tony was now crushing the remote beneath him.

"Get off! Yo-You're crushing it!" Tony yelled at Bruce with his limited supply of air.

"Do you think I care about your penis?"

"The remote, dumbass!"

"Oh!" Bruce mentally smacked himself for thinking that. He got off of Tony, just so the billionaire rolled onto his back. Then Bruce wrapped one arm firmly around Tony's waist, so he couldn't escape that easily. Tony wriggled in Bruce's grasp.

"My penis?" Tony chuckled. Bruce giggled with him, then playfully squeezed his side.

"Shut up," Bruce said next, "Give me the remote."

"Why the hell do you want it so bad?"

"I refuse to be forced to watch something about a narcissistic genius billionaire."

"Narcissistic? You think I'm narciss-" Tony stopped mid-sentence to shove the captive remote down his pants. Bruce's eyes widened when he saw that.

"You are disgusting. Did you really-?"

"Yes!" Tony cut him off. Bruce let go of Tony immediately and sat up next to him. Tony was still lying on his back. Bruce could see the outline of the rectangular remote in Tony's crotch. That made him laugh.

"That can't be very comfortable," Bruce grinned at Tony.

"Yeah, well... as long as it'll keep it from you."

"Very well," Bruce held up his hands in defeat. Tony chuckled and sat up as well. He reached into his pants and pulled out the now warm remote. Bruce took it from him and raced out of the living room.

"The little fucker..." Tony mumbled to himself. He stood up and walked back over to the TV. He opened a drawer in the mantle holding up the television and pulled out a remote that looked identical to the one he and Bruce used before. He sat back down on the couch and flipped the channel to the documentary about himself.

Tony always kept that remote there in case something like this happened.

~The End~


	2. Alternate Ending

**_"The little fucker..." Tony mumbled to himself._**

He stood up, but before he chased after Bruce, he picked his sock up off the floor. Tony put it back on then ran after Bruce who stole the remote.

The bad news was that Tony didn't see where Bruce went. The good news was that he had a _hunch_ of where the doctor went with it. 

Tony ran down many hallways and up many flights of stairs in the large building before he found himself in the dining room. Steve and Natasha were inside, eating a healthy snack.

"Have either of you seen Banner?" Tony asked them from the doorway. Both Steve and Natasha turned to face Tony.

"No. Why?" Black Widow asked.

"He stole the remote."

"Dr. Banner stole the remote? I don't believe that," Steve said.

"Well, he did. And are you sure neither of you saw him?"

"I actually heard someone running past the door, but I didn't see who it was. It could very well be the doctor," Steve said.

"Okay, that's great, Capcicle. That tells me that he's definitely on this floor," Tony raced out of the doorway, leaving Steve and Natasha alone again.

Tony turned to head down another hallway, and slipped. He balanced himself quickly and continued running. The billionaire nearly ran into Thor on his way, but narrowly dodged him.

"What is the rush, Man of Iron?" Thor asked, dumbfounded by Tony's actions. Tony didn't answer him, and just kept running. His lungs were on fire, but he was determined to find that lousy doctor. Tony finally found the room he was looking for, but the door was locked. He smacked the door in frustration, but that was a good sign that someone was inside.

The room was Bruce's study. The man would go in there whenever he wanted to relax himself or clear his mind. He had this room because he claimed that his own bedroom was too much of a mess; and it was too close to the construction workers to get any kind of peace.

Tony leaned against the door to catch his breath. Suddenly, the door opened and Tony fell backwards into the room with a yelp. As he was on his back, Tony looked up at the man who opened the door and caused him to fall. It was Clint.

"Please tell me this is the right room," Tony stood up and faced Hawkeye.

"What were you doing outside, Stark?" Clint asked Tony. He was holding a book in his right hand, saving the page with his thumb.

"I was hoping Banner was in here. And what exactly are _you _doing in here?"

"Dr. Banner said that I could use this room any time that he wasn't in it. I came in here earlier today, and I've been here ever since."

"Oh, that's nice. Did Bruce come in here by any chance?"

"No."

"Damn. Alright, then. Sorry for disturbing you, Legolas."

Clint gave Tony a look before sitting down on Bruce's desk. He opened the book, found the page he flagged with his finger and continued reading from there. Tony quickly scoped the room once for any signs of Bruce before leaving the room. Tony groaned when he closed the door behind him.

'Where the hell could this guy be hiding?' Tony thought to himself as he started pacing up and down the hallway. Then he got an idea.

Tony walked quickly down more stairs until he reached the control/security room of Stark Towers. It was really only open to him to view the security cameras in the building. Tony typed in a password, then got a full view of one of the security cameras in the building. He changed it so he was viewing all of them. Tony searched for Bruce.

He saw Steve and Natasha in the dining room, now joined by Thor. Clint was in Bruce's study. And random construction workers were outside Stark Towers. Tony observed each little black-and-white rectangular screen closer to look for the crafty Bruce.

Finally, he saw him. Bruce was in the lab, using one of the high-tech equipment screens in there. Tony logged out, and left the security/control room. He ran up some more stairs, and at this point, he was exhausted.

Tony didn't give a crap about the remote anymore. He just wanted to find Bruce after playing 'hide-and-seek' with him for the past twenty minutes.

Tony found the lab housing Bruce. Tony stood at the doorway, glaring holes right through Bruce. Bruce saw him, and somehow he had his glasses again.

"Hello, Tony."

"I have been looking for you for the past hour!"

"An hour?"

"Okay, a little less than an hour... But what the hell?" Tony walked into the lab further. Bruce closed whatever he was doing on a certain mechanism and faced Tony better.

"What?"

"You took the remote and ran off with it."

"Oh yeah... the remote..."

Tony squinted his eyes at Bruce and said, "What're you up to?"

"Nothing... But do you still need the remote?"

"It would be nice to know where it is, yeah."

"Okay... Did you check in the living room?"

"Ye- Wait, what?"

"Did you look in the living room?" Bruce said clearly, as if he didn't the first time. Tony raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why would it be in there?"

"Because that's where I put it after I 'ran away from you'. You know, after you went looking for me. I put it on the couch."

Tony was quiet. He just stared at Bruce.

"You better fucking run before I take you down here and now," Tony spoke in a whisper to Bruce, then his eye twitched. That was enough to make Bruce nervous. He chuckled as he ran out of the lab.

Bruce _knew _that Tony would never think of looking in the room all of this started in.

~The End~


	3. Post Alternate Ending

Bruce was smiling as he jogged out of the lab. Tony was still standing in the lab, trying to cool himself off. Then he thought of a way to get back at Bruce for making him run all over the building. This method wouldn't anger Bruce so he wouldn't Hulk-out, and it would make Tony feel better about this whole situation. The billionaire grinned evilly before running out of the lab and after Bruce.

Bruce was jogging at a leisurely pace until he looked behind him and saw Tony coming at him at full speed. Bruce sucked in his breath and ran as fast as he could.

The doctor moved as quickly as he could down the stairs. And once he reached the hallway, he continued running. Tony was hot on his trail.

Bruce turned into the room he felt safest from hurting anybody or anything in: the living room. Tony came in a second after Bruce. The doctor ran towards the wall in a corner of the room. Tony was following him.

"Tony, please don't hurt me. You see the remote, right?" Bruce pointed to the couch with the black remote on it. Tony didn't bother looking back at the sofa. He continued advancing toward Bruce. Bruce cowered and curled up into a ball in the corner. Tony yanked his arms so he was standing up again. Then, he led him to the couch by holding his shirt collar.

"Tony, please," Bruce begged, not wanting to face the wrath of this enraged man. Tony dragged Bruce to the couch and made Bruce sit on it. He felt that if he was going to do this to Bruce, the guy might as well be comfortable. Tony sat next to Bruce. Bruce felt like escaping again, but then he would have to avoid Tony for the rest of his life.

Tony suddenly started tickling Bruce on his sides. Bruce screamed and collapsed onto the couch, so now he was lying down. Tony pinned him down in the process, still tickling any place he could reach on the doctor. Bruce was in hysterics.

"Tonihihihy! Stahp! Ah, I'm sorry! Stop ihit!" Bruce yelled through his laughter. He tried slapping Tony and wriggling out of his grip, but to no avail.

"Not yet, big guy," Tony gave up that 'pissed off' facade once he started hearing Bruce laugh. He swore that when this guy laughed, he could make the whole world happy.

"Please! Ah!" Bruce screamed when he felt Tony digging his fingers into his underarms. Then Tony changed his plan of attack, and went for Bruce' neck, which he tried only once before. Bruce snapped his neck down, trying to lock out Tony's fingers. While one hand was doing that, Tony's other hand was still tickling Bruce's side and stomach.

"I'll give you a breather," Tony chose to be nice to Bruce... this time. He stopped tickling the doctor, long enough for Bruce to get his breath back.

"Wh-Why do you always resort to... to tickling?" Bruce asked Tony. Tony chuckled.

"Because it's the easiest way I know to annoy you, and it won't turn you into the green guy."

"Ah..." Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Hey," Tony poked Bruce's stomach as a warning, "Don't get smart with me. I was thinkin' of letting you go."

"Oh, that reminds me," Bruce bucked his body violently, in the hopes of getting Tony off of him. Tony did get flung around a bit, but then went back to tickling Bruce. Bruce erupted in a fit of giggles.

"Aw, now that wasn't too nice. I'm not letting you free, Banner. And you have no one but yourself to blame."

Bruce wanted to curse so badly, but he knew that there would be a whole story to go along with it. Tony had never heard him curse before, and he always asked why he didn't let steam off in that way. Bruce just didn't like cursing with other people around. But when he was alone, sure. Why not? He'd drop 'F' bombs left and right. But not around the others. He was always the quiet doctor around them. Bruce also knew that Tony would remind him of that if he _did _curse now, for the rest of his life.

"Get ohohoff, Tony!" Bruce was ready to say the 'f word' after that, but didn't. He knew that Tony would be swearing up a storm if this was him.

"Not a chance, Brucie. And a while ago, you said that you were super ticklish here?" Tony reached and leaned back. He wiggled his fingers on the underside of Bruce's knees. Bruce squealed like a girl and kicked his leg out. This made Tony laugh.

"I guess that's a total 'yes'," Tony smirked, and continued torturing Bruce's knees. Bruce was still being practically sat on by Tony, so he couldn't move. He was only left to kick out and scrunch up his legs to try and prevent Tony from tickling him in his worst spot (Well, his knees and his armpits are equally ticklish).

Tony tickled Bruce's thigh to see if he could get a reaction out of him there. And he did. Bruce screamed.

"Woah!" Bruce yelled out when he felt Tony doing that. He bit his lip and clamped his thighs together so he wouldn't laugh. Tony snorted at Bruce's reaction to that.

"T-Tony, stop!" Bruce used as strict a tone as he could muster to scold Tony. Tony turned so he was facing Bruce's head again. He looked at the man beneath him.

Bruce was red in the face, and he was panting. There was a slight shine on his forehead from sweat. And the shirt that was previously tucked in was now hanging out of Bruce's pants, completely wrinkled. Unfortunately for Bruce, his pants were equally as wrinkled.

"Get off," Bruce brought Tony back to reality. Tony snapped his head upward so he was looking into Bruce's eyes.

"Why do I have to? You made me run around this God damn building for twenty minutes. That wasn't fun. And neither is this for you."

"I think we can safely say that you're even with me."

"No. You run around this place for twenty minutes. Then we're even."

"I look like I just ran a marathon."

Tony giggled at what Bruce said.

"Yeah, you do. And in dress clothes... Very risky," Tony wagged a finger in front of Bruce's face. Bruce attempted to bite the finger in response. Tony chuckled at that again.

"Am I really making you primitive by doing this?"

"Shut up," that was the closest Bruce wanted to get to cursing.

"How about you make me?"

Bruce struggled a bit more, but Tony pushed Bruce's shoulders back down to the couch. The doctor got the wind knocked out of him from that, and proceeded to whine when he was pinned again.

"This is too easy, Banner," Tony teased him. Bruce decided to just focus his eyesight on one thing. He chose the arc reactor on Tony's chest that he could see glowing through his shirt.

"Hey," Tony snapped his fingers in front of the doctor's face, "Eyes up here. I'm planning to get off, but I want you to say something first."

"Anything. I'm having a hard time breathing."

"Say, 'Tony is the most badass of The Avengers'."

Bruce chuckled at the request but obeyed, "Tony is the most badass out of The Avengers. Now can I go?" He didn't think _that _was cursing...

"I'm not finished yet. Say that I'm better than you and smarter than you."

"We both know that you are _not _smarter than-"

"Say it, Jade Jaws."

Bruce looked at Tony directly in the eyes. he sighed before answering Tony's demand.

"You are better and smarter than me."

"Good."

Tony knew that he could make Bruce say anything now, even if it wasn't true.

"Say that you have a small penis."

"You have a small penis."

That answer just got Bruce tickling again delivered by Tony Stark. Bruce laughed and bucked his body upward.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorrihihy!" Bruce begged for mercy from Tony. Tony stopped.

"Say it right."

"Why? I just want to get up."

"Because I want you to."

"Fine... Ihaveasmallpenis," Bruce mumbled quickly.

"I didn't quite hear that, Brucie," Tony now had a grin forming on his face.

"I have a small penis!" Bruce yelled in frustration, glaring at Tony. Tony bursted out laughing at how loud Bruce said that.

"Happy? Now get off!" Bruce pushed Tony to try and get himself free. Tony just grabbed the doctor's wrists and pinned them on each side of his head.

"I know, I know. Just give me a second. This is pretty fun," Tony grinned at Bruce.

"Now say, 'Hulk smash puny dick'."

"Okay, that is disgusting and childish."

"Listen, just do it! I promise it will be the last thing you have to say. I'll let you up after that. I promise, Banner."

"I really don't want-"

"Oh, and say it in the 'Hulk smash' voice!" Tony completely ignored what Bruce wanted to say. Bruce felt really small and powerless. He sighed, and decided it would be best to just abide by whatever crazy and pointless want Tony had.

"Hulk smash puny dick," Bruce said flatly. Tony frowned at him.

"That wasn't in the 'Hulk smash' voice."

"Ah... Hulk smash puny penis!" Bruce did the best he could. Tony fell over laughing. Bruce stood up immediately.

"I really hope you're satisfied," Bruce said to a laughing Tony before he left the living room.

When Tony finally calmed down, he saw the remote on the couch. Bruce must've been crushing it while Tony was pinning him to the couch. That made Tony grin.

But what made Tony start giggling hysterically was that he would totally look at the security video of what just transpired in there later. It might even go on YouTube.

~The End~


End file.
